Monopoly
Last night, Kate and I cracked out the Aussie edition of Monopoly again.
Whether or not the stars were aligned in my favour or my wishes had come true I could not say, but luck was on my side. I really should be buying a lottery ticket. As I blistered around the board, buying up utilities, railway and enough properties to accumulate a steady income of rent, my opponent complied, landing on my utilities, railway and my selected properties. This gradually infuriated her. To the point where I actually feared for my life.
The rage was further magnified when I managed to purchase King Avenue, adding to my already owned Flinders Way (Mayfair and Park Lane for the traditionalists) locking down the most potent and valuable properties on the board.
As time passed, I embarked on great construction ventures. Soon my beautiful, opulent houses lines the streets of King Avenue and Flinders Way. Sprawling mansions of the utmost grandeur, towering Victorian styled structures, enormous Mediterranean dwellings, groundbreaking examples of postmodern architecture. One could have almost mistaken it for Malibu. As the years past and the coffers grew, the inevitable redevelopment, once a distant dream on the horizon of the game board, became a reality.
King Avenue and Flinders Way became hotel hot spots.
I have never owned hotels on the dark blue’s before. In fact, it is a rare game that I even get to build multiples of houses. So now armed with the most elite of the hotels in Monopolyville, all I had to do was sit back and wait for the $1700 a night, or $2000 a night hotel stays to come into play.
She resisted for a number of laps around the ‘Ville. But soon enough, the dazzling lights of my beautiful hotels were simply too much for her. Kate came and stayed at my King’s Avenue hotel. Imagine my surprise, come the morning, when she was unable to pay the bill.
I am pleased to say I escaped with my life. There were a few moments during the barrage of shoes, pillows, chairs and priceless Ming vases that came in the direction of my head where I thought ‘this is it’ but I maintained my cool, exercised my ninja-like reflexes and avoided all life-threatening projectiles and closed my mind off to the verbal assault that ensued.
Monopoly. It looks an innocent board game on the shelf. It even seems like a great idea when you lay out the cards and deal the money. But the reality is a harsh mistress. A cruel demon summoned from the depths of Hell. It turns people into frustrated, hollow shells of their former selves.
Take heed and bear witness to my experience. Don’t play Monopoly unless you are prepared to deal with the consequences.
…
* Entire entry may be a gross exaggeration, riddled with sarcasm. Said game may have been quite enjoyable. Kate also may not have thrown things at me.
